love/hate?

For the last two and a half years I've been struggling with a weird illness. No idea what it is, or how I got it, but it basically means that every now and then I just conk out. No energy to even lift an arm. I hurt all over, I don't have an appetite, I can't move and it sucks. It also means that I have got into the habit of sleeping from 4pm to 7pm, but that's a different story and another rant..
I hate being ill. I hate what it's done to my teenage years; I can't really go to parties and if I do, I have to be home at 11 or I will pass out and not get up for a week. It's happened. I can't go out all day, it has to be for short stretches with rests in between or I get so tired that I don't know what to do with myself, and it's shit. It's really shit. I hate it. However.. there's something relaxing about just sleeping for sixteen hours, waking up, eating a bit, watching a bit of TV then sleeping for another ten hours.. it appeals to my incredibly lazy side. Or maybe it's created my incredibly lazy side? I'm not sure. What I do know is that right now I should be in college, doing work, seeing friends, having a normal life, but instead I am wondering whether to eat or throw up because I don't know which my stomach is telling me to do, and I'm wondering if my legs will hold out to carry me to the bathroom/kitchen.
Thankyou NHS. Thankyou for telling me what my illness is. Thankyou for giving me counselling to get over the depression it put me in, and thankyou for helping me lose the weight I've gained because of it. . For two years I saw a consultant every six weeks who basically said "hmm, well, we'll see what it's like in a few weeks shall we?" and then sent me on my way.. I only ever had one basic blood test, and when everything came back fine they said they didn't think it was worth going further into it. Argh!
So I will watch Loose Women and 60 Minute Makeover and Come Dine With me and pretend I don't want to be out doing things.
I'm going to the Theatre tonight to see The Glass Menagerie and I know that it will knock me out for a week at least.
Thaaanks! Love you ;)